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From: Dr. Oily "Strat-O-Nine-Tails" Von Ashbanger
To: Fender Musical Instruments Legal Team
Dearest Sirs (or in your case, Squiers):
Your frivolous lawsuit is rapidly leading to a Made In Mexico standoff. Leo, Freddy and my father (whose nom-de-spume in the 1950's US Navy was "Fenderbender," for his hitherto unheard-of mashup of a destroyer and a mine sweeper - thus giving rise to the later mid-60's term "Mindsweeper - undoubtedly you stole the term from him) are all rolling in their graves. You actually have to use a pogrom..er, sorry, program, called "WordHippo" to litigate? Were none of you in law school taught how to spell, research, or get a pretty co-ed to do your work for you? Instead you have to enslave some poor literate animal? For shame, sirs! For shame!
You've actually caused me to set my beer down upon my Strada Coaster! How could you??!!
My outrage prompts me to immediately initiate a class-action countersuit against you for the improper spelling and usage of the words "coaster" (yes, it does indeed contain the word "caster," as your animal friend could - probably - tell you), "pop tarts" (which, when you take the pee out of it, contains the word "strato" spelled backwards - surely some kind of Satanic message - and in a children's breakfast item no less! How low do you dare stoop?!), and "Telly" (the Savalas family will undoubtedly want to hear about this).
Rest assured that our legal team will be using the latest pirated versions of "Re-Verb," "Tremble-Oh!," and "De-Lucks" to ferret out more of your tendentious thesauric chicanery - wait, you're not employing poultry, now, too, are you? Now there's a Pullet Surprise for you - and don't pretend to be shocked when our own in-house PhraseMonkey goes bananas over your use of the term "lawsuit." Oh, I can assure you, the tailors will be up in arms!
Oh, and Half an iced A.
Dr. Oily "Strat-O-Nine-Tails" Von Ashbanger
You should taste my butterscotch Telecustard.
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