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Permalink Reply by Thomas "Duck" Petry on February 10, 2013 at 6:08pm

I heard that they found about 200 dead crows near Topeka, KS, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

They had a Bird Pathologist examine the remains of all the crows, & to everyone's relief he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. However, he determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, and only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

Kansas then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine the disproportionate percentages for truck versus car kill. The Ornithological Behaviorist determined the cause in short order.

When crows eat road kill, they always set-up a look-out Crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. His conclusion was that all the lookout crows could say "Cah!!", but none could say "Truck!!."

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Permalink Reply by Clock The Wolf on February 10, 2013 at 6:45pm

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Permalink Reply by Joe Caruso on October 17, 2014 at 12:12pm

Priceless!!!

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Permalink Reply by skuff watson on February 16, 2013 at 10:52am

A redneck gets shot

At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him.
"Well," Bubba began, "We wuz havin' a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, 'Hey, der ya fellows wanna go hunting?'"
"And then what happened?" the officer interrupted.
"From what I remember," Bubba said, "I stood up and said, 'Sure, I'm game.'"

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Permalink Reply by the anonymous pick on February 16, 2013 at 10:57am

lol

 

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Permalink Reply by skuff watson on February 16, 2013 at 10:56am

Rednecks flying home

Two Redneck hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture, and bagged six big bulls. The pilot came back as arranged to pick them up.
They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected he said, "The plane can take out only four of your elk. You will have to leave two behind."
One of the hunters pushed forward, "Hey, last year our pilot let us take out six elk. It was the same model plane, same weather conditions, and everything. What's with this? We want you to allow us to fly out just like last year.
Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put all six elk aboard and the men all climbed in with their gear. But when they attempted to take off and fly out of the valley, the little plane could not make it. They crashed in the wilderness.
Climbing out of the wreckage, one Redneck said to the other, "Do you know where we are?"
"I think so," replied the other Redneck. "Yep! I think this is about 100 yards further along than where we crashed last year!"

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Permalink Reply by the anonymous pick on February 16, 2013 at 10:58am

;-)

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Permalink Reply by skuff watson on February 16, 2013 at 11:12am

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar  in Paris, Tennessee. After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly  observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his truck and trailer and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left  the bar and drove off.

Finally, he got into the car and started the engine, switched the wipers on and off - it was a fine, dry summer night, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on  the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons'  vehicles left. At last, when his was the only car left  in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled  the man over and administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, 'I'll have to ask you to  accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.' 

'I seriously doubt it', said the truly proud Hillbilly. 'Tonight I'm the designated decoy.'

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Permalink Reply by Pascal on February 17, 2013 at 7:57am

a rabbit walks into a bakery

"you got carrot cake?"

"no" baker replies

next day the rabbit walks in again

"you got carrot cake?"

"no" the baker sais again

this goes on for few days till the baker decides to make a carrot cake.

the rabbit walks in again

"you got carrot cake?"

"yes i do have" the baker said with a smile on his face

"tastes bad doesnt it?" sais the rabbit and walks off.

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Permalink Reply by the anonymous pick on February 17, 2013 at 8:02am

lol   a good one  ..  but  someone here beat  ya to  it  ;-) 

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Permalink Reply by Pascal on February 17, 2013 at 8:04am

a salesman walks up to a farm to try to sell his stuff. he only sees a 10 year old boy and he askes him

"hey there little guy, is your dad at home?"

"no the kid sais, he got ran over by a tractor"

"ow. im verry sorry to hear that, but is you mom home than?" the salesman asks him

"no, she got ran over by a tractor too" the boy tells him.

"but there must be a farmhand here, or you borthers or sisters?" the man asks

"nope, none of that, all got ran over by a tractor" is the boys reply

"but than you are all alone here, what do you do all day?" the man asks the boy

the boy simply replies: "driving the tractor sir"

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Permalink Reply by Reeds Taylor on February 17, 2013 at 8:21am

Alymer McGee and his wife Gurtie were getting up in age. One day Gurtie approached Alymer and informed him she wanted to have another baby. Ok Gurt, says Alymer...anything ya want, but don't ya think ya better ask the doctor first. So the next Day Gurt arrives home from the Dr, and Alymer asks, So how'd it go....He wants me too take a ur ine test....what the hell is a ur ine test? asked Gurt....I don't know says Alymer, go next door and ask Myrtle. No Way says Gurt, you know we don't get along.. Ah C'mon say Alymer surely you can keep a civil tounge too ask as simple question. Ok says Gurt, i'll go ask. About 5 minutes later she comes home...her dress all tore up, black eye...bloody lip. Holy Gurt says Alymer...what the hell happened?   I did everything you asked Alymer says Gurt...I went over knocked on the door. Myrtle opened the door and I was very pleasant towards her...and her too I...and I thought this would be a piece of cake. Then I asked what a ur ine test was...then what happened asked Alymer....she asked if I was serious and I said very serious...then she tell me too go piss in a glass....thats when all hell broke loose.

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