Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by skuff watson on March 29, 2013 at 4:02pm

PreviousNext

The CIA has three candidates, two men and a woman, for one assassin position.
On the final day of testing, the CIA proctor leads the first male candidate to a large steel door and hands him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions, regardless of the circumstances," he explains. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."
The man is horrified, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my wife!"
"Well," says the proctor, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."
The CIA proctor leads the second male candidate to another large steel door and hands him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions, no matter what the circumstances," the proctor explains. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."
The second man steadies himself, takes the gun and enters the room. After three quiet minutes, the man exits the room with tears in his eyes. "I wanted to do it -- I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job."
Finally, the CIA proctor leads the female candidate to yet another large steel door and hands her a gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him."
The woman takes the gun, enters the room, and before the door even closes completely behind her, she's fired off six shots. Then all hell breaks loose behind the door -- cursing, screaming, crashing. Suddenly, all goes quiet.
The door opens slowly, the woman exits, and wiping the sweat from her brow, she says, "Did you guys know the gun was loaded with blanks? I had to beat the son of a bitch to death with the chair!"

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by the anonymous pick on March 29, 2013 at 4:19pm

lol    XD

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by skuff watson on April 6, 2013 at 7:52am

> FORGOT MY GLASSES
> Yesterday my daughter again asked why I
didn't do something useful with
my time. Talking about my "doing something
useful" seemed to be her
> favorite topic of conversation. She was "only
thinking of me" and
suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out
with the guys.
> I did this and when I got home last night I decided to
teach her a
lesson about staying out of my business. I told her that I had
joined a
> parachute club.
> She said, "Are you nuts? You 're almost 72 years old and you're going to
start jumping out of airplanes?" I proudly
showed her that I even got a
> membership card. She said to me, "Good
grief, where are your glasses!
This is a membership to a Prostitute Club,
not a Parachute Club."
> "I'm in trouble again, and I don't know what to
do... I signed up for
five jumps a week." I told her. She fainted.
>
Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier but sometimes it can
be
fun.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by the anonymous pick on April 6, 2013 at 8:17am

lol   ..  :-D

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by the anonymous pick on April 6, 2013 at 8:20am

speaking of glasses   ...     don't   know what this ad    "need  glasses  ?"  was  banned   ,,, do  you ?  ;-)

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Clock The Wolf on April 6, 2013 at 3:18pm

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by RTZGUITARS on April 6, 2013 at 9:05pm

don't start with the foreign commercials.

A Rabbit Story

---

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover,  pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead.        The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry. A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of a road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks man what's wrong. "I feel terrible," the man explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."             The blonde says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet,  turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.                  The man is astonished!              He runs over to the woman and demands, "What the heck is in that can?  What did you spray on that rabbit?" The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. The label says...: (scroll down for answer...) > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>(Are you ready for this??) > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>(Are you sure??) > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>(This is bad!!:):) > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> (You know you could just click off and not read the punchline =) > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>(You know you're gonna be sorry...) > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>(Last chance!!) > > > > > > >   >>> >>>>> >> > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>(OK---Here it is!!) > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> > > > > > > >   >>> >>>> It says:"Hair Spray---Restores life to dead hair, and adds a permanent wave."

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by the anonymous pick on April 6, 2013 at 11:23pm

uggggg .   ;-)

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Clock The Wolf on April 6, 2013 at 11:31pm

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by skuff watson on April 10, 2013 at 9:19am

A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it." The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch." ... The man perks up. "So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision." The man agrees to talk it over with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?" "Yes I have," says the man. "And has she helped you make a decision?" "Yes" says the man. "What is your decision?" asks the doctor
"We're getting granite counter tops."

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Peter Greed on April 10, 2013 at 12:46pm

A man walks into a psychiatrist's office......wearing only
undies made of cling film.

The psychiatrist
says, ‘Well, I can clearly see your nuts.”

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by the anonymous pick on April 10, 2013 at 12:57pm

i  actually   "LOL' ed .

• ▶ Reply

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 11
• 12
• 13
• 14
• 15
• …
• 31
• Next ›
• Page