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Permalink Reply by skuff watson on February 17, 2013 at 11:40am

A salesman is driving toward home in northern Ontario when he sees an Indian thumbing for a ride on the side of the road. As the trip had been long and quiet, he stops the car and the Indian gets in.

After a bit of small talk, the Indian notices a brown bag on the front seat. "What's in bag?", the Indian asks the driver.

The driver says, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my wife."

The Indian is silent for a moment then says, "Good trade."

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Permalink Reply by the anonymous pick on February 17, 2013 at 12:21pm

;-)

 

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Permalink Reply by skuff watson on February 17, 2013 at 11:51am

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed...

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

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Permalink Reply by the anonymous pick on February 17, 2013 at 12:22pm

hahahahaAhaA !!

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Permalink Reply by skuff watson on February 19, 2013 at 10:31am

Morning Sex She was standing in the kitchen preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only

the T-shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said

softly, “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming

or this is going to be my lucky day!"

Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then

gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks" and returned to the stove,

her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked,

"What was that all about?"

She explained,

"The egg-timer's broken."

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Permalink Reply by the anonymous pick on February 19, 2013 at 10:34am

ouch !   .. lol

 

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Permalink Reply by skuff watson on February 23, 2013 at 10:26am

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$90,000." ;
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980,000 for it."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it's what you really want."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
Then he smiles and asks, "Anyone know whose mobile this is?"

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Permalink Reply by the anonymous pick on February 23, 2013 at 10:49am

harhar   ;-D

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Permalink Reply by skuff watson on February 23, 2013 at 10:33am

The pope and a lawyer are on the elevator to heaven. When they arrive at the gates, there's a mad rush of angels, saints, and other holy people on their way to greet them.

When they arrive, they pick the lawyer up on their shoulders and carry him off cheering hysterically. The pope is deeply saddened.

St. Peter sees this and goes over to him and says, "Don't feel bad. We get popes in here all the time, it's not every day we get a lawyer."

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Permalink Reply by skuff watson on February 23, 2013 at 10:41am

Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime -- Little Johnny always takes the nickel.

One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor man takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?"

Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"

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Permalink Reply by the anonymous pick on February 23, 2013 at 10:50am

CLASSIC  ;-)

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Permalink Reply by skuff watson on February 24, 2013 at 10:33am

Adult Jokes 18+

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey “Hey! what are you doing?” The monkey says “Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.” So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while t...he lizard says his mouth is ‘dry’, and that he’s going to get a drink from the river. At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side. He then asks the lizard, “What’s the matter with you?!” The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in! The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says “Hey, MONKEY!” The Monkey looks down and says “DAMN, DUDE……. how much water did you drink?”

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