A duck walks into a hardware store and asks the manager:
- "Got any fresh fruit?"
-  ummm "No."  this  is a hardware store  .. we sell  hardware stuff .
- "Got any fresh oranges  or apples ?"
- "No.!  I  just told  you  , this  is a hardware store  .
The next day, the duck returns:
- "Got any fresh fruit?"
- "No."   !!!!
- "Got any oranges  or apples ?"
- "No.!!!!  I told you yesterday,  we don’t sell  that stuff    here  !   and If you come back tomorrow and ask me the same question, I'll nail your flippers to the floor so  you  get the  hint !!!"
the next  day, the duck walks in and asks:
- "Got any nails?"
- "NO!!!!."
- "Got any fresh fruit?"

this  is  just one of those lil  jokes  that stick  with ya  ..   you  may  find yourself  chuckling  about it    in  an hour from  now  ..  even rehearsing  it  later  tonight  ..  not  sure  why    , or  what it  is about this joke  ,,  but  its addictive  ..    so  i  thought i'd share .

you  can thank  me  or  blame  me  later 

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;-)

my wife asked me lately if i think her butt has gotten bigger. i told her her butt was just like Kim Kardasian's

that's how the fight started.

It's a scientific fact that women who are slightly overweight live longer than the men who comment on it.

Good one,  Duck. 

Since I don't know chit about the Kardashians, and don't want to-  I just kind of got the 'fight' portion of Pascal's joke. 

Safest reply when your wife asks if her ass looks big is "Haven't looked in a mirror lately, but I'll go on a diet if you think it would help".

Wife= 'darling, how can I make my breasts bigger'?

Husband= 'Try gently rubbing toilet paper between them  for five minutes every day'!

Wife = 'Silly, how could that possibly work'?

Husband = 'Well, it sure worked well enough with the cheeks of your ass'!

Three weeks later, and he's still got his jaw wired up! Women 'eh? you just can't help some people! :-D

XD

friend of mine told me his mom inlaw was an angel. I told him he was a lucky bastard, mine's still alive.

My mother in law told me 'I can't wait to dance on your grave'! I said 'well, good luck with that then, I'm getting buried at sea'! :-D

feck me, is that the pedal assembly of U2's Edge?

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