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Permalink Reply by Ron "Oily" Sprague on May 30, 2014 at 10:07am

That grime is how you know where the notes are ;-)

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Permalink Reply by Bad Finger (Eric) on May 30, 2014 at 10:45am

That gunk is called mojo.

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Permalink Reply by Thomas "Duck" Petry on May 31, 2014 at 11:48am

Either that or footprints of the gods.

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Permalink Reply by Lowatter on May 30, 2014 at 11:50am

You can spray some poly on the fretboard and let it cure but as stated before...the funk is funky. JMHOYMMV

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Permalink Reply by Bad Finger (Eric) on May 30, 2014 at 1:01pm

See #8.
Captain Beefheart's 10 Commandments of Guitar Playing
Beefheart 1. Listen to the birds.
That's where all the music comes from. Birds know everything about how it should sound and where that sound should come from. And watch hummingbirds. They fly really fast, but a lot of times they aren't going anywhere.
2. Your guitar is not really a guitar Your guitar is a divining rod.
Use it to find spirits in the other world and bring them over. A guitar is also a fishing rod. If you're good, you'll land a big one.
3. Practice in front of a bush
Wait until the moon is out, then go outside, eat a multi-grained bread and play your guitar to a bush. If the bush dosen't shake, eat another piece of bread.
4. Walk with the devil
Old Delta blues players referred to guitar amplifiers as the "devil box." And they were right. You have to be an equal opportunity employer in terms of who you're bringing over from the other side. Electricity attracts devils and demons. Other instruments attract other spirits. An acoustic guitar attracts Casper. A mandolin attracts Wendy. But an electric guitar attracts Beelzebub.
5. If you're guilty of thinking, you're out
If your brain is part of the process, you're missing it. You should play like a drowning man, struggling to reach shore. If you can trap that feeling, then you have something that is fur bearing.
6. Never point your guitar at anyone
Your instrument has more clout than lightning. Just hit a big chord then run outside to hear it. But make sure you are not standing in an open field.
7. Always carry a church key
That's your key-man clause. Like One String Sam. He's one. He was a Detroit street musician who played in the fifties on a homemade instrument. His song "I Need a Hundred Dollars" is warm pie. Another key to the church is Hubert Sumlin, Howlin' Wolf's guitar player. He just stands there like the Statue of Liberty-making you want to look up her dress the whole time to see how he's doing it.
8. Don't wipe the sweat off your instrument
You need that stink on there. Then you have to get that stink onto your music.
9. Keep your guitar in a dark place
When you're not playing your guitar, cover it and keep it in a dark place. If you don't play your guitar for more than a day, be sure you put a saucer of water in with it.
10. You gotta have a hood for your engine
Keep that hat on. A hat is a pressure cooker. If you have a roof on your house, the hot air can't escape. Even a lima bean has to have a piece of wet paper around it to make it grow.

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Permalink Reply by Richey Kay on May 30, 2014 at 6:20pm

I love that Eric - never came across it before!

3 is my favourite

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Permalink Reply by Bad Finger (Eric) on June 3, 2014 at 11:29pm

I believe someone here led me to Captain Beefheart's 10 Commandments of Guitar Playing.  Probably a couple years ago.

I still remember the first time I heard Captain Beefheart.  I was 12 and on an unofficial trip to the New York State Museum in Albany for the day.  My mom had some kind of meeting there which was 3 hours drive from our home and I got the day off school.  Free to just roam around I went to kill some time in the Rock n Roll temporary special exhibit and there was a  small movie room where they had a few music videos playing.  I heard Ice Cream for Crow with the video about a dozen times that day.  

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Permalink Reply by Thomas "Duck" Petry on May 31, 2014 at 11:46am

2, 3 & 5 say a whole bunch about the process. Good advice Eric.

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Permalink Reply by jawbone on May 30, 2014 at 4:22pm

I find that some of those G strings get a little too slippery!!!    snk     snk   ;-)

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Permalink Reply by John Sawyer on May 30, 2014 at 8:30pm

I know I'll get blasted for this, but a light coat of boiled linseed oil, cut 50% by mineral spirits works for me.  Just let it soak in for a minute and wipe it clean...

Damn CA, I can't get tru oil...

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Permalink Reply by TC DeVeau on June 1, 2014 at 8:02pm

My trick for and fret boards is wipe on Tung oil applied with a foam brush. Let it sit for several minutes and wipe off the excess. I let it dry for at least 12 hours. Follow this with a thick paste made of beeswax and olive oil. After applying the paste, heat it with a hair dryer and wipe off the liquified wax. Then buff when cool.

So far my fret boards have stayed pretty clean.

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Permalink Reply by Jim Morris on June 2, 2014 at 12:29pm

It's hard to add anything more than what Bad Finger said but I equate this to recording engineers trying to get the "squeak" out when guitar players change finger position on strings.That's what's real and that's the way it IS! Don't try to erase that.This is the real deal, dirt and all! Embrace the funk and love the fact that it looks like it's been played!

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