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SO... A DUCK WALKS INTO A HARDWARE STORE .....

A duck walks into a hardware store and asks the manager:
- "Got any fresh fruit?"
- ummm "No." this is a hardware store .. we sell hardware stuff .
- "Got any fresh oranges or apples ?"
- "No.! I just told you , this is a hardware store .
The next day, the duck returns:
- "Got any fresh fruit?"
- "No." !!!!
- "Got any oranges or apples ?"
- "No.!!!! I told you yesterday, we don’t sell that stuff here ! and If you come back tomorrow and ask me the same question, I'll nail your flippers to the floor so you get the hint !!!"
the next day, the duck walks in and asks:
- "Got any nails?"
- "NO!!!!."
- "Got any fresh fruit?"

this is just one of those lil jokes that stick with ya .. you may find yourself chuckling about it in an hour from now .. even rehearsing it later tonight .. not sure why , or what it is about this joke ,, but its addictive .. so i thought i'd share .

you can thank me or blame me later

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Permalink Reply by nailtown slim on May 5, 2015 at 4:12am

A famous actress calls the plastic surgeon and explains that she's going to marry a Prince. and she wants all her 'downstairs lady bits 'tightened up and tidied up a bit', before their wedding, because he thinks she's still a virgin!

'I want absolute secrecy though, no one, absolutely no one, must ever know about this operation' she insisted! He agreed and the operation went ahead the following week! When she woke up in her private hospital room however, there were three red roses in a tall vase on her bedside table! She rang the bell for the doctor and when he arrived she said 'what did I say about privacy? who the hell have you told'? He said 'calm down madam, the roses are easily explained, the first one is from me, the second one is from the nurse who assisted me because we wanted to show our appreciation for you being such a good patient'! She said 'oh, well, thank you for the thought, but, who is the third one from'? The doctor said 'that's from the seriously burned young man in the skin graft ward, he just wanted to say thank you for his new ear flaps we've managed to graft on for him'!

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Permalink Reply by the anonymous pick on May 5, 2015 at 5:57am

:-o

:-D

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Permalink Reply by Uncle John on May 5, 2015 at 12:28pm

Well, there are no ducks in this story. Have you noticed you never see me with my shirt off? Well, back before Linda, I had sweety named Josie and I went to the tattoo parlor to get her name tattooed across my back at the shoulder blade level. And the **^#@ tattoo guy left out the i in Josie.

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Permalink Reply by the anonymous pick on May 5, 2015 at 12:36pm

:-o

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Permalink Reply by Thomas "Duck" Petry on May 5, 2015 at 4:25pm

No way Jose.

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Permalink Reply by Uncle John on May 5, 2015 at 11:31pm

LOL, Duck.

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Permalink Reply by nailtown slim on May 6, 2015 at 7:41am

I was in a bar and went to use the gents toilets, I stood next to a big West Indian lad, and as I glanced down I had the shock of my life! He had the name WENDY tattooed on the side of his John Thomas! I said 'wow mate I like the tat, is she your girlfriend'? He laughed and said 'it might read WENDY to you now, but when I get 'excited' it turns into WElcome to Jamaica have a Nice DaY!