A duck walks into a hardware store and asks the manager:
- "Got any fresh fruit?"
-  ummm "No."  this  is a hardware store  .. we sell  hardware stuff .
- "Got any fresh oranges  or apples ?"
- "No.!  I  just told  you  , this  is a hardware store  .
The next day, the duck returns:
- "Got any fresh fruit?"
- "No."   !!!!
- "Got any oranges  or apples ?"
- "No.!!!!  I told you yesterday,  we don’t sell  that stuff    here  !   and If you come back tomorrow and ask me the same question, I'll nail your flippers to the floor so  you  get the  hint !!!"
the next  day, the duck walks in and asks:
- "Got any nails?"
- "NO!!!!."
- "Got any fresh fruit?"

this  is  just one of those lil  jokes  that stick  with ya  ..   you  may  find yourself  chuckling  about it    in  an hour from  now  ..  even rehearsing  it  later  tonight  ..  not  sure  why    , or  what it  is about this joke  ,,  but  its addictive  ..    so  i  thought i'd share .

you  can thank  me  or  blame  me  later 

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lol 

I hate supermarket shopping with my wife, she keeps disappearing, she should be in the S.A.S. the enemy would never find her in a million years! We were in the supermarket the other day and she'd been missing for about twenty minutes when a lovely looking lady walked past, I said 'excuse me, I've lost my wife around here somewhere, could you talk to me for a couple of minutes please'? She said 'oohh bless, are you lonely then'? I said 'no, but every time I talk to a pretty woman, my wife appears like magic'!

:-)

a couple married for years just had thier fourth baby. the first three are very beautifull girls but the fourth girl is as ugly as a donkeys butt.

"i don't understand" sais the husband "did you cheat on me"

"not this time" the wife replies

;-)

Pat came home drunk and saw his wife sitting at the table with two of her friends looking at family photographs, He smiled and said 'hello my darling wife, and mother of three lovely kids'! She smiled an even bigger smile than his and said 'hello my lovely husband, father of one'!

:-o 

  lol

TCP/IP packet walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a glass of beer."

Bartender says, "So, you'd like a glass of beer?"

Packet says, "Yes, I'd like a glass of beer."

Many a true word spoken in jest mate! I met my first wife in a club, I saw her standing by the bar, looking bored, and I just stared at her for a few minutes until She turned around and saw me! I went over and said those immortal words, 'Hey, I thought you were at home looking after our kids'?

ohhhhh 

little Johnny listens as his teacher says,'only humans stutter,no other animal in the world does'.Little Johnny thinks a bit,then shouts out,'that's not true,the other day i was playing with my cat on the porch,the neighbours rottweiller came along and my cat arched his back and went 'FFFFFF!FFFFFF!,FFFFFFF!' and before he could say F*£%! the dog ate him!'

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