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Permalink Reply by the anonymous pick on March 27, 2015 at 11:44am

:-o 

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Permalink Reply by nailtown slim on March 27, 2015 at 1:08pm

A man was whispering on the phone to his mate Pete about going to the firm's fancy dress party without his wife, who said it would bore her to tears, so to go on his own, he said he was hiring a lone ranger outfit with the mask and the six gun and holster, he thought he'd look cool and might strike it lucky with some lady or other! His wife, unfortunately for him, overhead him talking and thought she'd teach him a lesson. Next day she went out and hired a Cat woman outfit and as soon as he left home to go the party, she quickly changed into the Cat woman outfit, rang a taxi and off she went! She was wandering around the guests with a drink in her hand when she spotted the lone ranger having a pint at the bar, so she wandered over, kissed him on the lips, silently took his hand in her hand and led him outside to the bushes, lay down and still not saying anything, she pulled him down on top of her! They proceeded to make love and he surprised her with a passion she never thought he was capable of! Afterwards he went off to the bar to get them a drink, and she took the opportunity to sneak away and go home! Three o'clock in the morning hubby came creeping into the bedroom and she pretended to be asleep, he was soon snoring by her side! Next morning she woke up and thought she'd give him a chance to confess what he'd done to 'Cat woman' at the party! She woke him up with breakfast in bed, a nice coffee and a plate of eggs and bacon laid out on a tray with a couple of slices of hot buttered toast! 'There you go my little cowboy, a nice breakfast for the lone ranger himself' she said. He was really surprised and said 'oh thank you darling, but I never went as the lone ranger after all, the shirt was too tight, so I swopped outfits with Pete next door, and I went as Jack Sparrow in the end'!

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Permalink Reply by the anonymous pick on March 27, 2015 at 1:19pm

:-o

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Permalink Reply by nailtown slim on March 27, 2015 at 1:28pm

A lady rang an insurance company up and said she'd like to insure her new car please! The man said 'certainly madam, would you like to insure it for fire and theft'? She said 'don't be silly young man, who in their right mind would want to steal a burning car'?

A man walked into a library and said 'do you have any do it yourself books on 'how to commit suicide' please'?  The librarian said 'we used to have six or seven, but no one ever brings them back'!

When I was a kid I always wanted to become a singer when I grew up,  and my granddad said 'practice in the bath son, practice every night until you become good at it'! That was really good advice granddad gave me, it was  pity about my brother though, granddad gave him the same advice after he said he wanted to become an electrician, I still miss him sometimes!

A man in a pub saw someone who used to live in his street, he bought him a pint and asked how his wife was doing? The man said, 'oh, she ran off with the baker and left me to look after the three kid on my own'! He said 'oh, and how are the kids then'? The man said 'Bill my oldest son, he's in jail for murder, Tony, the middle boy, he joined the merchant navy and his boat sank with the loss of all hands, they never found any of the bodies'!

The man said 'oh no, what about young Rosie your daughter? she must be a stunner by now, I bet you're so proud of her 'eh'? He said 'she's a hooker in Soho and doesn't speak to me any more now'! The man said 'blimey mate, it must be so lonely for you when you go home at night'! He said 'I haven't got a home now, it burned down and I wasn't insured'! The man said 'oh, where are you working these days'?  He said 'I've got a little stall in the market, I sell lucky charms'!

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Permalink Reply by RTZGUITARS on March 28, 2015 at 7:02pm

Gotta love the jokes about the down and the dead.

Q. How do you get two bagpipes to play a perfect unison?
A. Shoot one.

Two musicians are driving down a road. All of a sudden they notice the Grim Reaper in the back seat. Death informs them that they had an accident and they both died. But, before he must take them off into eternity, he grants each musician with one last request to remind them of their past life on earth. The first musician says he was a Country & Western musician and would like to hear eight choruses of Achy-Breaky Heart as a last hoorah! The second musician says "I was a jazz musician...kill me now!"

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Permalink Reply by the anonymous pick on March 29, 2015 at 12:47am

drummers have  it    easy  .

  they  can always easily find their car  in a crowded   parking lot  . 

that  roof-mounted  pizza  sign  is hard  to  miss  . 

:-D

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Permalink Reply by nailtown slim on March 29, 2015 at 7:43am

:-D

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Permalink Reply by TN Twang on March 29, 2015 at 11:44am

Like!

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Permalink Reply by the anonymous pick on March 29, 2015 at 2:32pm

difference  between  a  real   drummer  and a digital  drum  machine  ?

on a  digital  one  ..   

  you  only  gotta  punch    the  information  in   once  .  ;-)

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Permalink Reply by darryl kernaghan on March 29, 2015 at 2:49pm

and the digital ones are wired less

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Permalink Reply by Pascal on May 3, 2015 at 9:52am

few days back i took an elevator and there was a gorgeous lady with a nice pair of tits in there too.

she asked "can you press one?"

my memory is slowly returning, the black eye is fading and i made an apointment with the dentist to replace my front teeth.

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Permalink Reply by the anonymous pick on May 3, 2015 at 10:58am

:-o

 :-D

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