A duck walks into a hardware store and asks the manager:
- "Got any fresh fruit?"
-  ummm "No."  this  is a hardware store  .. we sell  hardware stuff .
- "Got any fresh oranges  or apples ?"
- "No.!  I  just told  you  , this  is a hardware store  .
The next day, the duck returns:
- "Got any fresh fruit?"
- "No."   !!!!
- "Got any oranges  or apples ?"
- "No.!!!!  I told you yesterday,  we don’t sell  that stuff    here  !   and If you come back tomorrow and ask me the same question, I'll nail your flippers to the floor so  you  get the  hint !!!"
the next  day, the duck walks in and asks:
- "Got any nails?"
- "NO!!!!."
- "Got any fresh fruit?"

this  is  just one of those lil  jokes  that stick  with ya  ..   you  may  find yourself  chuckling  about it    in  an hour from  now  ..  even rehearsing  it  later  tonight  ..  not  sure  why    , or  what it  is about this joke  ,,  but  its addictive  ..    so  i  thought i'd share .

you  can thank  me  or  blame  me  later 

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:-o 

  ;-) 

Nice one, Uncle John. I've heard some of your other work, you're a story teller! Thanks for sharing. Post the video when it's done!

Thanks, Joe.  I might video it some time. 

Musical Octopus

A man walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the Octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus... "He can play any musical instrument in the world."

Everyone in the bar laughs at the man, calling him an idiot. So he says that he will wager $50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play.

A bloke walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar and starts playing better than Jimmy Hendrix. The guitar man pays up his $50.

Another bloke walks up with a trumpet. This time the octopus plays the trumpet better than Louis Armstrong. The man pays up his $50.

Then a Scotsman walks up with some bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and then sits down with a confused look. "Ha Ha!" the Scot says. "Ye canie plae it,can ye?"

The octopus looks up at him and says "Play it?.... I'm going to f$#K it as soon as I figure out how to get its pyjamas off!"

This post is so big you don't know what has and hasn't been posted!

XD

:-o

:-D

Indian  chief can't  fart  ,  so  he   goes  to  the   doctor  .. 
"Big Chief. No fart."
Doctor says OK,  take this VERY  POWERFUL  pill and wait 24 hours. Come back tomorrow if ya  don't rip  an air biscuit  .

 
Next day:
"Big Chief. No fart."
Doctor says OK  take TWO pills this time. Come back tomorrow   if  ya  cant  pull  the  one cheek  sneak  .

Next day:
"Big Chief. No fart."
Doctor says, well...  take 3 pills . That should do it.

Next day:
"Big Chief. No fart. Very angry."
Doctor says, here,  take the rest of the bottle, that should definitely take care of it. 

A few days later  a  little  Indian Brave    walks in  .

doctor  says  .. " what's  your  problem " ?

The Indian Brave  says ;
"Big fart. No Chief." 

LOL, Pick.  Reminds me of an old doc that used to live in my town.  And old farmer went to him with a bad sinus infection that even affected his hearing.  He told the doc, "I can't even hear myself fart."

 

The doc gave him antibiotics and told him,  "Take these and in a few days your farts will be louder."

lol..  like  the  blonde  that  told  the  doctor  ..      "  it  hurts  when  i  touch    my       knee  ,    and    my  shoulder      , and  my       foot ,,,,,, and    ....  etc  ..   etc ...  

doc  says    " your  finger's  broken  ". 

  ;-)

reflection   = LOL. 

lines   are  never really  crossed  ,  just the  people that   drew them are  .  .  ;-)

but  i  have seen  the  " family  site  "  speech  here  before  . 

altho  this is not  on the front  page  , you  may  still get  some ....unintended   "reaction"  from  some .

 so  with that in  mind  .  well  ..   its    up  to  you  .  

i , myself am  not  offended  ,   but  i  can see  it  causing  discomfort   elsewhere  . 

i'm  not one  for censorship  ,,  but  there  is something to  be said for    self  censorship  . ;-)

thats  why  i  try  very  hard  not to  have sex  in  church  ;-)

Well said Mr Pick. Besides, the pews aren't very comfortable and don't offer the room of a good waterbed. Although it does bring to mind a line from the movie "Top Gun". ;-)

:-) 

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