A duck walks into a hardware store and asks the manager:
- "Got any fresh fruit?"
-  ummm "No."  this  is a hardware store  .. we sell  hardware stuff .
- "Got any fresh oranges  or apples ?"
- "No.!  I  just told  you  , this  is a hardware store  .
The next day, the duck returns:
- "Got any fresh fruit?"
- "No."   !!!!
- "Got any oranges  or apples ?"
- "No.!!!!  I told you yesterday,  we don’t sell  that stuff    here  !   and If you come back tomorrow and ask me the same question, I'll nail your flippers to the floor so  you  get the  hint !!!"
the next  day, the duck walks in and asks:
- "Got any nails?"
- "NO!!!!."
- "Got any fresh fruit?"

this  is  just one of those lil  jokes  that stick  with ya  ..   you  may  find yourself  chuckling  about it    in  an hour from  now  ..  even rehearsing  it  later  tonight  ..  not  sure  why    , or  what it  is about this joke  ,,  but  its addictive  ..    so  i  thought i'd share .

you  can thank  me  or  blame  me  later 

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An Irishman, And Englishman and a Scot are in a bar when a fly lands in each of their beers. The Englishman, disgusted, pushes the beer away and demands a new one. The Scot, picks the fly out and keeps drinking. The Irishman grabs the fly, squeezes it, and shouts, "Spit it out you little bastard!"

(-:

I know that Irishman. :)>

I am that Irishman

That reminds me of my late father. We were working outside and he had a 16oz bottle of coke,he went to get a drink a there was a fly in the bottle, He tipped it back and forth a few times trying to get the fly out. Finally he put his thumb over the top shook it a couple of times and let the foam carry the fly out of the bottle then looked at the bottle and took a drink.

lol

A horse walks into a bar,

 

the barman says...."hey, why the long face ?"

 

(-;

 

 

 

lol   

'This is my last drink before I go to work'.

'Where do you work ?'

'Tesco's'.

'fingers'

I have 2 kids...7 and 5.

This goes along with one of my original jokes:

A duck was walking through the desert and met a lizard sunning himself on a rock.

The lizard says "Mr. Duck, what are you doing in the desert?"
Duck says "I'm a Sand Duck."

Mr. Lizard, what are you doing in the desert?"
Lizard says "I live here numbnuts."

Maybe it's funnier when you are under the influence.  Anywho. . .

lol

my 11 year old loved these videos for some time.

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